A Woman Defined

Art & Culture by Mahvash Mossaed

Why and Where is God Hiding

January 28, 2013

What I would like to know is if someone can tell me if there is a God, and if that someone can also answer this question: if God exists, why and where is he hiding? What does he have to hide, after all? Why not just appear to us, put all his cards on the table, and be open and upfront about who he really is? I once read somewhere that if someone asks you if God really exists, if you respond with “no” right away, then you are a non-believer, but if you paused, then let’s face it, you have already made up your mind – you need God.

As people, either we need a crutch or we don’t. I definitely have a relationship with God at all times. This relationship goes through its different phases. It has its ups and downs. When I was little, I was very much in awe of God. To me, in those days, he was always hiding behind the clouds. I knew well that it was best not to get him mad, for after all, he is very powerful. As I had heard from the fairly tales, he could turn the blue sea into red, and he was the one who made the trees lose their leaves all of a sudden and for no good reason, but again gave them brand new leaves right after. Oh so desperately, I wanted to have just five minutes of his time so I could ask him why there is disease, poverty, and pain.

Now, after all these years of playing hide and seek with me – with him hiding and me looking for him everywhere – I have finally come to this conclusion that it could very well be that God really lives in me somewhere. Still, some long sleepless nights when I try to have a conversation with him, in disappointment, I find out that he is not even there. That really worries me that maybe I have been nagging, demanding, and arguing with him too much and for too long, and he could easily be already fed-up with me and is avoiding me on purpose. This is why I wish I could find the real safe place in my heart where he resides, so forever I could look him up there so he could be easily accessible when I need him, for he loves to hide, and he loves it when we look for him everywhere and just don’t have a clue where he is hiding.

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